Dispelling some Canadian myths

1. If everyone is freezing to death in the south central state in which you are living, you must be finding it comfortable - because you are from Canada and that means that you were naturally born with antifreeze in your blood.

This may be true if you are travelling south for vacation or maybe even in your first year living in the south. You do have a tendancy to mock people in big sweaters and overcoats when you are still in a t-shirt. You welcome a cold November sky because you know that it will bring snow. After that - your blood is as thin as anyone elses. It's like saying that Arizona isn't too bad in the summer because it is a dry heat. Hot is hot; cold is cold. Nip ons do not observe boundries and I can cut glass with the best of them.

2. The only reason you don't play professional hockey is because the NHL already has its quota of Canadians.

Yes, I learned to skate almost as soon as I was walking (just like everyone else did - pushing around a cheap wooden chair on the ice like a walker and not feeling like you had really gone skating until you fell at least 3 times and nearly made another crack in your butt). Yes, I played hockey (in the correct fashion - spending hours upon hours clearing off the snow off the creek and being too tired to play more than half an hour). No, I never played organized hockey (except floor hockey and ball hockey in elementary school). Yes, I suck. No, I can't skate backwards.

3. You speak French

Actually, this one is true for me. Although one of my bosses in Canada said that I butchered the language when we were heading out to work on a French client, I was told by a French professor at a local university that I speak at a masters level. This is not true for all Canadians. We do have to take French from grade 1 (or so) to grade 9, but I took it all the way through high school, worked at a parttime job in Quebec for 10 years and worked at French clients when I was doing accounting. A lot of Canadians can only swear and/or say "poutine" and "Je ne parle pas francais" ("I don't speak French"). Oh, and if you think that no one understands you when you say "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir" (before "Moulin Rouge"), you may get smacked. Ask some guys I went to high school with.

4. Canadians hate Americans

Hate is such a strong word. Other than Tim Hortons coffee, the top of the list in Canadian identity is proving that we are not American. We really don't have any really defining national characteristic except the stereotype of being a toque-wearing (check), flannel decked (notsomuch), beer and/or Tim Hortons swigging (yup) hockey fan (to some degree). Our emails are filled with jokes bolstering ourselves against our southern cousins. We deny airplay / Juno nominations for homegrown talent (i.e. Bryan Adams) because they work with Americans and therefore aren't Canadian enough. According to FoxNews every other night, Canada's sole objective is to thwart American plans (doesn't help that we have some loud-mouthed, opinionated-but-doesn't-speak-for-all-Canadian politicians). When we see/hear a Canadian entertainer, we scream to all listening "s/he's Canadian" in a manner that implies "don't you dare lay your American claim to THEM".

Let me explain some of this mentality. One, I am proud of our talent, so yes, I pounce when I recognize a Canadian doing well for themself. Two, the biggest for me, is that a few Americans affected my mind-set for a long time. Living on the border with the States gave ample opportunity for interaction. Unfortunately, the most impressionable were those times, particularly in Niagara Falls, when my outings were tarnished by loud, obnoxious, almost invariably Yankee (not to be confused with Dixie) tourists, not to mention some poorly educated students who didn't know much about a country that was only 6 hours from them. As I have gotten older and wiser, I recognize that the (loud) voices of the few do not represent a whole population. Moreso, I can even say now that an equal number of Canadians piss me off as Americans. You have rednecks everywhere. You have really sweet, friendly people everywhere. Just remember, young, impressionable Canadians, stupid does not adhere to borders.

Postscript

No, it does not snow year round up there. Yes, we can buy summer clothes and it does get hot. This one is for Canadians who haven't figured it out yet: no, we do not have free health care - look at our tax rate. No, the peso isn't worth more than the Canadian dollar. Yes, we really are that polite (although that, sadly, is changing). Yes, I am really tired and need to end this.

GO LEAFS GO